Here is a wonderful illustration of discovering emotional anatomy and slowly benefiting from skills not pills. But rather using pills to build the skills.
Finding it very difficult to express himself in his mid twenties, he really believes he has suffered from attention deficit disorder and dyslexia his whole life. “I have a really hard time focusing, coping, listening and understanding, my mind will go somewhere out of my control. It has always affected my school, even when I desperately want to, I can’t. I pretend to be normal. I have a hard time keeping jobs. People see me but I’m not really there. People are always getting irritated with me because of things I fail to finish. I have no career. I have not had successful relationships. I work really hard but I feel disconnected, blocked. I panic and close down. It feels like I’m in a dream state.
“Low doses of Ritalin help me feel better. It gets me out of that foggy place. It’s easier to start and finish. My mind has calmed down allot. The choice to push myself is much more clear. My enthusiasm has returned. It’s easier to catch myself pretending like things are not happening, ignoring the obvious. Truth, honesty and freedom? Single breath relaxation? How do I apply this wisdom?
“Even with the medication, it’s hard for me to be in a group. Growing familiar with my freedom to choose, I am realizing I struggle with my natural reactions to close down and protect myself from being hurt. I disconnect, shut down, close off, zone out and then come to, only to ask what happened. I feel guilty, frustrated, embarrassed and ashamed, feelings that remind me of how I felt around my father. He was emotionally abusive. We always felt uncomfortable around him. It was really hard. We moved allot and I struggled with new relationships, teachers, friends, peers, women and men. My low self esteem. I must have been born that way. My ADHD, dyslexia and insecurities made it harder.
“Freely choosing, single breath relaxation with gratitude, I catch a glimpse of the man that has always been calling to me in my dreams, the good one I always imagined but could never believe was real as I wrestled the ugly feelings, as I escaped into my numbness, away from my father’s relentless angst.
“Now, in this tug of war, instead of zoning out into my self sabotaging shame, I give thanks for this gift of vision from Heaven. Through the gift of this dream, I am invited by glimmers of a person I had given up believing could be real. My life can be better. I go there in gratitude in my single breath relaxation. Freedom to choose, instead of slavery to my reflex of shutdown. My confidence in gratitude is growing. Deep within my guts, my whole story changes, just for a moment. I see the tug of war. I will go on. Now I take my medication on time. I can tell when I miss it but I’m learning to choose my responses instead of just zoning out. My mother says I’m getting better. I passed my exam.”